


Lost Leadership

by Fabulous_Gay_Unicorn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 07:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4129747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabulous_Gay_Unicorn/pseuds/Fabulous_Gay_Unicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Trigger warnings: self harm and depression, suicide. I wrote this a while ago, found it and decided to post it.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Lost Leadership

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: self harm and depression, suicide. I wrote this a while ago, found it and decided to post it.

~Karkat~

The small blade slit the grey skin on my wrist easily, the mutant red liquid spilling from the small cut. I don't know how long I had been doing this, but it helped so much. It bled out my failures and regrets, leaving me with blissful peace. For a while. I couldn't tell anyone about this, especially not Gamzee, my so called 'best friend'. I knew he didn't care, no one did. They were probably hoping that I'd die next so that they wouldn't have to put up with my yelling, ranting, so they could appoint a better leader. One who didn't make the people he cared for get hurt because of his selfish decisions. Nepeta, Egbert, Sollux, Strider...Gamzee. Oh gog, he had no idea how I felt. How I was red flushed for him. He'd probably be disgusted and hate me even more. Why was I still on this gog forsaken planet? There was no reason for me to stay, so why should I bother waiting for someone to kill me when I could rid everyone of my waste of space self right now? With that in mind, I steeled myself and dug the blade into my tender flesh. Deeper than I had ever cut before, slashing vertically, straight down my arm, ending at the inside of my elbow. I relished in the pain before switching hands, quickly doing the same thing to my other arm. I didn't want someone to walk in and have a chance to save me, as if they would. I don't know how long I lay there on the floor, but I could already see the edges of my vision going black and I welcomed the emptiness of death as my breathing slowed, my body becoming cooler. The last thing I heard was a loud 'bang' as an achingly familiar voice called out, "KaR-bRo!" before the darkness embraced me.

~Gamzee~

I was worried about Kar-bro. Sure, I was high sometimes...most of the time...99.999999999999999% of the time...hehe, 9, like Kar-bro's shirt. 69 all the way Kar-bro! I wonder if he'd try that with me...just imagining it was exciting me.

Shaking my head, I couldn't help but grin as I wandered to Kar-bro's room. I hadn't seen him in forever, he disappeared like...three or four hours ago. I finally made it to his respite block, damn this place was huge. We needed a teleporter or some shit like that.

I burst inside, calling out, "KaR-bRo!" I didn't bother knocking. If I was lucky, I might walk in on him naked. The sight that met me, however, had me skidding to a halt. Red. There was red everywhere. And right in the middle of it all was Karkat.

It didn't click until I saw the cuts. Deep and jagged, they ran all the way along both his forearms. Snapping out of my shock quickly, I hurried forward, pulling Kar-bro into my arms. Shaking him gently, I got no reaction, not even when I screamed his name. His skin was so cold...

Leaning over him, I tilted my head, placing my ear near his mouth. The faintest of breaths fanned across my cheek amd that was all I needed. Grabbing Karkat's jumper, I wrapped it tightly around one of his arms, hoping it would slow the blood loss, doing the same thing to his other arm with my shirt.

Scooping him into my arms, I ran out of the room before skidding to a stop. Who would be able to help him? He'd need a blood transfu-thingy that Rose-sis was talking anout, but who else had red...blood...red? But that meant Kar-bro was...I shook my head quickly. There was no time. Rose-sis sounded like she knew what she was talking about, so I rushed off, needing to find her before it was too late. Kar-bro wasn't moving, I couldn't even see if his chest was rising, and he was so pale...

I stopped, hoping to gog that I was wrong. Placing my ear over his parted lips, I prayed that I would feel him breathing...nothing...he wasn't...breathing...no! He couldn't die! Not Karkat! I laid him on the ground carefully, shaking his shoulder. Why wasn't he responding?!

My movements slowed as it hit me. Kar-bro was dead...he...he killed himself. My vision was becoming blurry as I stared as the completely still form of the troll I was flushed for. A soft sob tore from my throat, the purple tinted tears finally spilling down my cheeks, smearing my face paint. I felt hollow except for the unbearable agony that was only growing worse as I stared at Kar-bro. It wouldn't stop, why wouldn't it stop?! I ended up with my head resting on Karkat's unmoving chest, sobbing into his soaked shirt. By this point, I wasn't sure if it was by my tears or Karkat's blood...

I barely heard Nepeta's loud scream, Egbert's knees hitting the ground...all I could focus on was the still form of Karkat laying beneath me. He'd never move again, never yell or scream at me for being an idiot...he wouldn't be there to guide us, to rant and tell us what to do...I was turning numb. All of my agony fading away as my emotions shut down, shock setting in. I couldn't live without Karkat. None of us could. And I didn't think that I was strong enough for what was going to happen next...

**Author's Note:**

> I forgot how crappy this was...any suggestions to make it better are welcome


End file.
